Ludington Daily News Column- July 2011

Turned in my monthly "Get Off The Couch" column to the paper this morning. Every so often I do one that is supposed to be funny, and this is one of them. It's really hard to write humor. I know that probably sounds odd, but it is. You have to be outrageous enough that people know it's supposed to be funny, without crossing the line into just being ridiculous with no point.

This month's title is "sKumquats and InYourFace vs My WWW." I spun the idea off the TV ad for some car (I never remember what the ads are really for-- oh, there it is, right on the video title, haha), where the cute teenager is bemoaning the fact that her parents only have 19 FB friends, while she has 687. Of course, they are off riding bikes instead of staring at a computer screen. I tied that with an attempt I made to download a nature guide app to a newly acquired (used) iTouch.



Here's an excerpt:

Now I was in! It only took three attempts and nine hours to download the tree identification app. I was all set to go outdoors and try it. But wait... it was only going to work where there’s WiFi. Dang! Most of the trees hang out in the woods– they’re funny that way.

I came back at the end to the fact that some of us would rather be playing outside than accumulating virtual social currency.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. Use coupon code JX87H to buy it for only 99 cents!

I'm nearly ready to format a second volume. This one will be humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing. In fact, this column gives me ten funny (I hope) essays, which means that as soon as I can make the time to set it up, I can offer this one as well.

Stories on Stage and Nothing More to Tell

Friday night was the fourth edition of the quarterly event in Ludington called Story on Stage. These are hosted by the Ludington Visiting Writers and Ludington Area Center for the Arts.

Three short stories were read, with musical numbers by local artists in between.

The stories were "The Day Before Easter" by Liesel Litzenburger, "Gar Fishing," by Sarah Jane Smith, and "My Urologist, My Psychologist," by George Dila.

The last one was of great interest to the West Side Gang (our local writer support group), because George is a regular member and one of our facilitators. His story is from his recently published anthology, called Nothing More to Tell. As you can see, the theme of the refreshments carried out the celebration of George's publication. The book is published by Mayapple Press. That's George in the picture, with his book and his cake, which was exceedingly yummy!

We were all really happy to see one of our own be published. It's his second collection of short stories, The End of the World was published by Pure Heart Press in 2008.

How do I feel about Story on Stage? The readers do an excellent job, and it's fun being part of something live such as this. This time, in fact, two of the readers, Natalie Ross and Phil Gigante, are "Earphone" award-winning readers who are probably familiar to audiobook listeners.

The stories were well-written, with lots of great imagery and taking us inside the narrator-character.

However, I wish the story selection was more diverse. So far, all ten stories I've heard at these events are of the "life is a sad enigma" genre. I get plenty of that in real life, and long for some variety in the presentations. I'm not sure I can take many more of this style without a break.

George Dila website

Cover Art for "Toby & Harry"

Getting ever closer to having a short story available for sale. The cover design is now set, and I'm only waiting for the final edits and for Twin Trinity Books to make it live on the web site.

Of all my stories that will be featured at TTM, this is probably my least favorite, so in one way I'm nervous that it's the first up. It was written for the theme of "Anger," and I took a tack that is rather out of the ordinary for me. I hope readers who don't find this story appealing won't just decide that they don't want to read other stories of mine.

Of course, perhaps when the rest of the anthologies are out, readers will get a better idea of what I can do. The best stories go in the books.

Hopefully, you will soon be able to purchase "Toby & Harry," the story of a very angry little boy. Do you believe that all small children are sweet and innocent, that they are all naturally loving and kind unless treated badly? I don't. Some who have read this story as beta readers or editors have thought it was a tale of child abuse. Not so...

I'll post more of a teaser when the story is actually available for download.

Chapter 13 of News from Dead Mule Swamp

Things are starting to happen with a bit more speed now. Of course, chapters 6-12 are all on the same day, a very busy day for protagonist Ana Raven.

This chapter seems to be almost all dialogue. I hope that's ok. One problem with taking a chapter at a time to the writing group is that it chops up the flow of the whole story a bit. I just re-read chapters 11-13 all together though, and the conversation doesn't seem out of place.

Here's an excerpt:

Tracy’s tone changed. “I like you, Ana. I think you fit in well, here in Cherry Hill, but you can’t rock the boat. Small towns have long memories. Take care of yourself. "

See Chapter 12 of News from Dead Mule Swamp

An Evening with Michigan Author D.E. Johnson

Last night, Michigan mystery writer, D.E. (Dan) Johnson read from his first book, Detroit Electric Scheme, and shared tips with the West Side Gang. The Gang is a group of local writers, some published, others not, who meet twice a month for mutual critiquing and support. This was a special session, and the turnout was good (for us) with about 20 people attending.

First, Dan read the first few pages of Detroit Electric Scheme, a real attention grabber. It's set in 1910 Detroit, with a murder against the background of the electric car industry. It's not only a fast-paced mystery, but serves up a good dose of history without being pushy about it.

He also outlined some tips for getting published:

1. Make sure your first sentence can command attention. Most agents don't read past the first few when receiving queries.

2. Get feedback about your work. Join a writers' group, find "alpha readers," etc. If one person feels that some section or sentence doesn't work, it may not be a big deal, but if multiple people tell you that something needs changing, no matter how much you like it, you can pretty much count on the fact that it needs changing.

3. Maximize your opportunities to get noticed:
• cultivate interactions with published authors- they can give you suggestions for agents, help you make connections, etc
• send lots of queries- he sent over 100
• find the right niche- if you write a successful mystery, your publisher isn't going to let you switch to a thriller for your next book
• put yourself in the right place at the right time- this is like networking, only smarter.



Since I'm a big mystery fan anyway, of course I bought the book. That isn't me in the picture, but it's another satisfied mystery customer.

Another tip he gave, that I've tried to follow, is to send copies of your book to influential people who may actually read it. One person Dan sent a copy to is Jay Leno, because of his large car collection. This gesture landed him a segment on Leno's web site. Great publicity! I have to confess that I almost didn't go because I'd never heard of D.E. Johnson, but I'm really glad I did. He's a newly published author who is going places.

Too Hot Too Busy

Sometimes you just have to accept what you can/can't accomplish. We have now joined the heat wave section of the country. It was over 80 degrees before 9 am. Too hot for me.

We have company- all fun- but I'm only getting the barest requirements completed.

I also seem to have a higher than usual count of activities and commitments at the moment.

On the writing side of the ledger, I did get the idea for my next Get Off the Couch column, so I'm working on that.

Meanwhile, turn on the fan and pass the ice tea!

Progress Toward Digital Downloads on TTM

My story "Toby and Harry" will be the next one up for sale at Twin Trinity Media. But there are things that have to happen first, and they are finally beginning to move.

The cover is being designed. I had proposed one but they didn't like the dark color of my background, so it's being redone subject to my approval, and that's in the works.

I'm also supposed to receive the final edit copy for my approval as well sometime today.

It looks like there will be a story of mine available very, very soon!