Lots of Writing, Little Inspiration

 
I wrote my monthly column for the Ludington Daily News this morning. It wasn't brilliant- pretty much a straightforward account of my recent hike.

I've written a whole lot of content articles for Textbroker and have about half the money I need to attend Blood and Tea.

Now, I'm trying to work on Chapter 4 of "Bury the Hatchet..." No inspiration. Will have to settle for slogging along. OK, back to work.

Fall Off the Couch Laughing is Published

Fall Off the Couch Laughing is a collection of ten humorous essays written over the last several years. Most previously appeared in the Ludington Daily News in my monthly column "Get Off the Couch." One essay has never been published prior to this collection.

Titles included are:
• Do Ticks Go to Heaven?
• The Top Ten Reasons to Stay On the Couch
• sKumquats and InYourFace vs My www
• Snowshoes? Just Give Me a Couple of Months
• The Arrival of Unwanted Body Parts
• Neologism Snowclone - Ramblings of a Cold Brain
• Not Sleeping at Sleeping Bear
• The Evolution of the Sock
• Not Men of the Liberated Mind Set
• The Hike from Heaven or Hell- You’re Invited

Although eBooks aren't generally a great venue for picture books, these essay collections include photographs. This book features ten carefully selected pictures.

My monthly column has been running for six full years, totaling more than 70 installments. I'm slowing collecting them into sets with similar themes. Columns are not available online unless you have an e-subscription to the newspaper. These collections are economical, and gathered into topical groups.

Only $1.89. Only on Smashwords.

Fall Off the Couch Laughing
Get Off the Couch with Joan

Writing Outdoor Columns

entrance to the Little Eden Camp Nature Trail (photo by jhy)

 Although most of my entries lately have been about working on the Anastasia Raven mysteries, I am primarily (I think), an outdoor writer.

This week, I turned in my 69th monthly "Get Off the Couch" column for the Ludington Daily News, and my ninth weekly column for the Mason County Press.

The column in the newspaper has been fun to write, and a source of some local notoriety. People actually stop me in stores, or in a parking lot, to tell me they like my column. I hope a few of them are also telling the newspaper. Occasionally, when I introduce myself to someone they say, "Oh, I know you... you write that outdoor column." Now, there's a way to make a writer happy!

I've had no luck syndicating the Get Off the Couch Column, but I admit to being easily discouraged. Two rejections put me off that project. Writers have to be more determined than that. I'll work on it... maybe later.

This month, as I do every March, in the newspaper column, I reviewed hiking/adventure books, three this time. And this week's Mason County Press column will introduce readers to a short nature trail I stumbled upon a couple of weeks ago.

The Ludington Daily News columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the paper. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. The price is $1.89.

I'm formatting a second volume of humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing. It will be available soon.

Newspaper Column- February

This month was an easy topic. There was a group of hammock campers at the state park. I interviewed them and wrote about their experiences.

I've got the topics for the next two months, too. So I'm in good shape.

The newspaper column is more human interest, but you can read about the event at Hammock Campers Rendevouz at Ludington State Park.

Ludington Daily News Column- January 2012

For my monthly newspaper column this month, I expanded on the blog post at Scanning the Bar Code. I turned it in on Monday, but am just getting around to this posting.

Here's an excerpt

Did you know you can learn to read bar codes without a machine? It’s true. Each code begins and ends with 101, and has a 01010 in the middle. These lines are longer than the others at the bottom. There are four different line thicknesses, and a sequence of four lines forms a digit from 0 to 9...

I much prefer scanning the bar codes of items one can shop for in the great outdoors. The codes are usually easy to read. In fact, I would wager that you can read almost all of these bar codes without any help at all.

And tomorrow, my weekly column will begin at Mason County Press.

Ludington Daily News Column- December 2011

This past month, for my Get off the Couch column in the Ludington Daily News, I wrote about "Outdoor Women Who Inspire Me."

I quickly discovered that my list is way longer than the 500-600 words I get to share with readers each time. Here's a sample:

Outdoor Women Who Inspire Me

Of course I had a Dale Evans cowgirl outfit, a red skirt and vest with long white fringe, complete with six-shooters and a holster belt. What self-respecting tomboy in the early 1950s didn’t? When I became the owner of an air rifle in my tenth year (I guess Dad trusted his extensive instructions to guard me against shooting my eye out), Annie Oakley became my new hero.

At about that same age I learned of Sacajawea and Mary Jemison. Many fine hours were spent stalking the banks of our unnamed creek in my hand-laced moccasins from a kit, pretending I was leading explorers up the Missouri.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. I recently reduced the price to $1.89. It's really difficult to price e-books- they range is all over the map.

I'm formatting a second volume of humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing. It will be available soon.

Turned in Monthly Newspaper Column

Just turned in my monthly column for the Ludington Daily News. I'm even a day early. I know... try hard not to faint.

I recently rediscovered a large (14-mile) trail system that is under 40 miles from the populated areas of the county. It's called Pine Valley. So I had to write about that. It's a no-brainer.

Turned in Monthly Newspaper Column

This was due Monday at noon, and I got it done on time. I had several ideas rattling around in my head, but the topic that won out was seasonal.

The title is "Hunters and Hikers- Can They Share the Woods?" I gave a few safety tips, and listed some local places where there are trails more than a mile in length that are closed to hunting. In Michigan, the gun-deer season is two weeks long. Many hikers prefer to just stay out of the public forests during that time, so having some alternate locations is nice.

The photo? Both groups are in pursuit of these critters... either with gun, bow, or maybe a camera!

Ludington Daily News Column- September 2011

Wow! I don't know what happened to September. Consequently, I turned my column in late. Not good, but they will probably print it when they get a chance. In the fall months, the deer hunters' trophies take up most of the Recreation Section, anyway.

This time I wrote about the economic value of the Manistee National Forest, based on a report issued by the Forest Service. As a factual article, it's perhaps not as entertaining as some columns, but here's an excerpt anyway:

The primary expenditures on these trips were at gas stations, restaurants, and grocery stores. Non-locals spent an average of $277 each time they came. Even local folks averaged $139 a trip. That’s a fair chunk of change. The study shows that local folks like to stay overnight in or near the Forest almost as much as those who travel to the area. And they... we... spend money when we do it.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. I recently reduced the price to $1.89. It's really difficult to price e-books- they range is all over the map.

I'm formatting a second volume of humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing. It will be available soon.

Ludington Daily News Column- August 2011

Here's a hint. It's not a great idea to completely change your mind as to what you are going to write about twelve hours before it's due. Never fear... I lay awake re-writing it in my head and then finished this morning.

A couple of phone calls to check some facts, a fast hunt through the pictures on my SD card, and, whew! another column turned in on time.

This one is much more factual than some columns are, so don't be anticipating humor this time.

The title is "Aspiring to be Dayton?" Here's an excerpt:

Now, Dayton boasts an interconnected network of multi-use trails. In fact, Dayton was declared a bike-friendly city by the League of American Bicyclists in 2010, the only Ohio city to be so honored. This past week, I saw why this honor is deserved. A group of us biked, leisurely, from Eastside Park to Wegerzyn Gardens in about 30 minutes. A bus ride later between those locations took considerably longer.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. Use coupon code JX87H until December 30 to buy it for only 99 cents!

Positive Feedback Feels So Nice

My newspaper column ran on Saturday. This title was "sKumquats and InYourFace vs My www." I occasionally write funny entries, and this was one of them.

A few months ago, I started putting my email address at the end of the column, and yesterday I received an email from a total stranger. She says, "I just wanted to tell you that I am a lady 67 years old and I totally agree with your artical [sic]." She asked me to help her find some people to hike and paddle with. I can do that!

Later in the day I had to go grocery shopping. Not my favorite activity. As I was returning the cart, a man in a truck called out, "Hey, are you Joan-Get-Off-The-Couch?" I said, "yup, I suppose I should recognize you." He went on to say that he just reads the column and likes it a lot. He recognized me from the picture of me they run with the column each time.

There is nothing more pleasing to the ears of an author than to be told that people like your writing!

See Ludington Daily News Column- July 2011

Ludington Daily News Column- July 2011

Turned in my monthly "Get Off The Couch" column to the paper this morning. Every so often I do one that is supposed to be funny, and this is one of them. It's really hard to write humor. I know that probably sounds odd, but it is. You have to be outrageous enough that people know it's supposed to be funny, without crossing the line into just being ridiculous with no point.

This month's title is "sKumquats and InYourFace vs My WWW." I spun the idea off the TV ad for some car (I never remember what the ads are really for-- oh, there it is, right on the video title, haha), where the cute teenager is bemoaning the fact that her parents only have 19 FB friends, while she has 687. Of course, they are off riding bikes instead of staring at a computer screen. I tied that with an attempt I made to download a nature guide app to a newly acquired (used) iTouch.



Here's an excerpt:

Now I was in! It only took three attempts and nine hours to download the tree identification app. I was all set to go outdoors and try it. But wait... it was only going to work where there’s WiFi. Dang! Most of the trees hang out in the woods– they’re funny that way.

I came back at the end to the fact that some of us would rather be playing outside than accumulating virtual social currency.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords. Use coupon code JX87H to buy it for only 99 cents!

I'm nearly ready to format a second volume. This one will be humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing. In fact, this column gives me ten funny (I hope) essays, which means that as soon as I can make the time to set it up, I can offer this one as well.

Too Hot Too Busy

Sometimes you just have to accept what you can/can't accomplish. We have now joined the heat wave section of the country. It was over 80 degrees before 9 am. Too hot for me.

We have company- all fun- but I'm only getting the barest requirements completed.

I also seem to have a higher than usual count of activities and commitments at the moment.

On the writing side of the ledger, I did get the idea for my next Get Off the Couch column, so I'm working on that.

Meanwhile, turn on the fan and pass the ice tea!

Ludington Daily News Column- June 2011

 I did get my newspaper column done on time, but forgot to blog about it. It was due on Monday, and I actually zapped it off the the editor several hours before the deadline.

Several times a year the column features other people who "get off the couch." This month I wrote about a paddling journey that a group of people took this month the entire length of the Muskegon River. It was named Voyage of Discovery, and had the purpose of surveying the river's ecological health.

I called the watershed organization which sponsored the trip, and also one of the people who paddled the entire distance, for interviews.

"21st Century Voyage of Discovery

The Manistee River is the third-longest river in Michigan. Can you name the two that are longer? Did you guess the Grand, just because of the name? You are right; it’s longest. Which one is in between? That would be the Muskegon..."

Ludington Daily News Column- May 2011

My monthly newspaper column was due today (although I think the office is closed for the holiday, I turned it in anyway).

Since I was out hiking last week, after giving a program, that's what I wrote about. The title is "Hiking South Otselic to North Pharsalia."

It begins:

“You’ve been hiking through a fantasy novel?” you might ask. No, these are real places separated by only a baker’s dozen trail miles. Actually, I hiked a total of 31 miles, but my true beginning location bears only the rather ordinary name of Cuyler Hill.

The most notable feature of Cuyler Hill, apart from a great view of cultivated New York hillsides, is that it’s where the Finger Lakes Trail and the North Country Trail part company.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords.

I'm nearly ready to format a second volume. This one will be humorous essays entitled Fall Off the Couch Laughing.

Ludington Daily News Column- April 2011

Finished and turned in my Get Off the Couch column for April. The title is "Not Just Any Old Sand Dune"

It begins:

Where in the Great Lakes region can you find seven concurrent miles of undeveloped public beach? Let’s see... there is the combined length of the Ludington State Park, Nordhouse Dunes, and the Lake Michigan Recreation Area. There is the... can’t think of anywhere else? That’s because there isn’t another such place. Our local resources are unique and of outstanding quality.

Although this column is seldom difficult to write, I'm always glad when I get another one successfully turned in.

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords.

Research, Research

Not all of writing is putting words on paper. My monthly newspaper column, "Get Off the Couch," is due Monday. I know what I plan to write about: the history of the Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness. But I can't do that out of my head, cold. I know enough to have a casual conversation with a friend, but certainly not enough to commit words to paper with details and expectations of authority.

So I talked with a National Forest ranger on Wednesday, and got some literature, and some personal observations. Next project, to find pictures I knew I had taken of a beautiful and slightly unusual plant that grows there, the Hairy Pucccon. Took me two hours, but I finally located them.

This is all part of writing!

Ludington Daily News Column- March 2011

My monthly news column, "Get Off the Couch," was due by noon today. Turned in on time! This column has been running for over four years now, with good local enthusiasm. Every year, in March, I've reviewed some books by people who get off the couch.

This year, I re-read and reviewed two old favorites: North With the Spring by Edwin Way Teale and Beyond Your Doorstep by Hal Borland. Here is the opening:

Old Standbys for Any New Naturalist

It’s that month of mud where green is mostly hoped-for. Once again, I find solace in books. This year, I pulled out two old favorites by writers of a passe status, those called naturalists. To be considered academic these days, a specialty is required. If you take up zoology, perhaps you will study the bacteria which inhabit the mites that live only on the eyelashes of dogs. I think I’d rather take the dog– bacteria, mites, eyelashes and all, and go for a walk...

These columns are not available on-line, unless you subscribe to the Ludington Daily News. One collection of columns is currently available as an e-book, called Get Off the Couch with Joan, at Smashwords.